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The Recovery Page - Newsletter of the
GEAIG
Autumn 1997
The Fall ’97 Marathon– A Tremendous Success! | A Beautiful Day of Sharing | What OA Means to Me | Making A Difference | OA Service Is Appreciated! | What Is a Marathon? | Thank You for the Gift of Sponsorship | Our Recovery Page Newsletter’s Winter Theme | Strengthen Your Recovery By Doing Service | Erie OA Meeting Updates |Letting Go | Ask-It-Basket | Quick and Easy Tenth Step | Exciting New Information on the Erie OA Web Site! | OA Contact Information
The Fall ’97 Marathon– A Tremendous Success!
The Marathon of October 4th, 1997 Some Reflections
After two nights rest the recovery I heard at the Marathon seems to be getting stronger. It is awesome to me that four people would take a whole day and drive (some, over two hours one way) to come and share their experience, strength and hope with us. All the Speakers shared how they came into OA to lose weight and all readily admitted they have learned a new way to LIVE! Their new way of LIVING also included a substantial weight loss and maintenance of that weight loss over a long period of time. What struck me about each of their stories was they started off in a particular fashion of abstinence and over the years have trusted their Higher Power in changing their plan of eating. Abstinence was still their number one priority! In learning a new way of LIVING, they also learned to trust their Higher Power along the way.
I am also grateful to those who attended the day with me. Their presence was joyful and an encouragement, as I "Trudge this happy road of destiny!" To those who helped in any way I want to say thank you too.
Anonymous in Erie and Hopeful!
Our OA had a beautiful day of sharing fellowship on Saturday, October 4th. We had an opportunity to hear several speakers from Cleveland. Each inspired me, but one young woman who shared was the one that stuck with me the most. She encountered a lot of pain and a great need to be accepted. She pulled through and has the gift of abstinence. I believe this is solely the work of HP.
I could identify with this woman because I too have struggled in my program with pain and an almost obsessive need to be accepted. It wasn’t until very recently that I was able to turn all of it to HP to find my inner peace.
Also, I wouldn’t be able to close without saying thank you. We had a very supportive leader who chaired the marathon, who is an inspiration to many of us locally. There are also those we need to thank that did the footwork to bring this day of sharing to our area.
Elaine S. of Erie
Wow, what a question! Well I'm just a baby in the program, joining just last March 18th, but this isn't the first time I entered the doors. In fact it's the third time. The first was simply a one-time visit and I thought you all were nuts. The second was just after my husband joined AA, this time I knew that there was something in OA for me, but I just wasn't emotionally ready so after 5-6 meetings and much crying I stopped attending. After about a year and a half I joined a news group on the internet called alt.recovery.compulsive-eat. Although this newsgroup isn't just for OA'ers, it does have several members in it. I joined to have someone to talk to and found it much easier to ask questions and not feel afraid of the answers like I did in a face to face situation that the OA meetings brought. After about 3 months of this I felt ready to go back to the OA meetings and have been attending regularly every since.
But that doesn't answer your question, does it? What does OA mean to me? Freedom, Acceptance, Growth.
Freedom from food. I remember, prior to my abstinence, the way food ran my life. How I would send my children to bed early when my hubby wasn't home so I could get to the kitchen. How, if there wasn't anything sweet in the house, I (not a very good cook) would pour sugar into a pan with some butter and maybe some vanilla flavoring and boil it, put it onto some tin foil and eat it before it hardened. How after eating something sweet I'd have to change to something salty and yet nothing would quench my cravings. How, if my hubby saw I was eating a little too much, I would get defensive and shut him out. How I hated the roller coaster I was on and yet could not stop. How literally depressed I got when the meal I ate didn't meet up to my taste standards. And I could go on! Freedom. It's something that our forefathers fought for and yet I never understood what freedom truly felt like until I was able, with the help of OA and my Higher Power, to stick to my own form of abstinence.
Acceptance. Acceptance from others, acceptance of myself and acceptance of others. From 1988 to 1996 I can honestly say I had NO friends. I could not allow myself to risk it. I was not worthy of friendship. How could anyone like me? I was no good at anything and the things I was acceptable at anyone could do! I never knew what to say to people and besides I was fat and who wanted to be friends with a fat person, fat people were ugly. Mind you, I did not live on an island, there were people I became friendly with. But it seemed in all cases they were not worthy either, there was always something I could find in their personality that made me "know" that they would hurt me. And God forbid they get another friend at the same time they were friends with me! I could not handle it! Oh did I yearn for friendship. It was something that filled my mind every day. If only there were someone out there just like me, someone who would understand me, someone who would magically appear, friendless of-course, who would hang on to me like the world was about to end. The funny thing is that I didn't want that either, heck why would I want a friend who no one else wanted? BUT NOW, as I work through my 3rd step, I not only have 3 friends, but I am able to talk to people, who I don't have close relationships with, and enjoy their company. I can talk to them. They seem to enjoy talking to me! I can now look at myself and say that I have good qualities (I am still working on what they are, but I know they exist) and I can be a friend! And I learned a great saying to live by; What other people think of me is none of my business! I am learning that doing for others is the key to my esteem and that just a phone call can not only help someone else but improve my mental attitude as well!
Growth. I guess this covers it all. As I learn about myself and accept that I can not only be wrong but that everyone is wrong once in a while, accept that I am a good person and good people make mistakes and continue to be good persons, accept that I have something to give that perhaps not everyone can give, and accept people get hurt and even hurt others and that I can survive if this person or that decides not to like me, I grow. And as I grow through learning and acceptance I am able to give more of myself to my family and friends. But most of all growth is most noticeable in my relationship with my hubby. Due to my childhood and my lack of self esteem and my lack of trust in people, our intimacy (i.e.: sex life) has been very poor and at times almost non-existent. But as an example of growth, I attended my Tuesday night meeting last night and through the readings and the discussion during and after the meeting I was able to spend a very intimate evening with my husband. We talked, we laughed, we played, we enjoyed each other for the first time in so long (and we didn't get to sleep until one o'clock in the morning). Today I have such a bright outlook on life. It's amazing what intimacy in a marriage will do for your soul. And I am excited to be able to look forward to more growth as I enter my 4th step!
What does OA mean to me? Life. I am now able to be part of it again!
Submitted by Juanita, Erie OA
In OA, I have good days and bad ones. Yesterday was not so good. Yes, I have to recommit and start again. What will make the difference today? I want to be kind, especially to my family, all of them. My father in one moment of criticism, can make me feel ten years old. My husband just turned 49. As loving as he tries to be, he can drag me down emotionally as he continues to kill himself through work, alcohol, and hopelessness. I know I have choices and deserve better, but I need to be practical. I love these people and want them to find success and peace. When they are gone, I’ll miss them a lot; so for today, I’ll pray for them and risk vulnerability. In the past, I put up emotional walls. These walls kept me in a self-destructive/victim mode which kept me from growing. Today my recovery and my God give me the strength to be detached yet vulnerable, kind without enabling, to be happy, and to be content that I’m doing the best I can for today.
It’s so important to take care of myself, to be abstinent, to be grateful, and to do service. It’s also important to believe that God’s using my unique talents and opportunities in all areas of my life–work, family, OA, and school. The 12 steps are the most effective vehicle for my share of God’s work in trying to create a better world. In the 24 hours ahead, I can make a difference for others and for myself.
A grateful recovering compulsive eater
Several members of the Erie, PA OA fellowship were recognized with gratitude by the State Correctional Institution at Cambridge Springs, PA. OA of Erie was chosen as the Group Volunteer of the Year in recognition and appreciation for our dedication to the inmates at this correctional facility. They say THANKS! for being a member of their team.
Many dedicated individuals in our fellowship have strengthened their own recovery by traveling to Cambridge Springs, PA on Saturday mornings in order to support an OA meeting for the inmates of this correctional institution. This has provided hope and inspiration to many inmates.
We are grateful for your service!
Meetings R Abstinence R Resentments R Acceptance RTrust R Humor R Open mind R Newcomer
M - It is a special meeting
A - where
we share about our abstinence
R -
and give up our resentments
A -
and receive acceptance
T - it is a place where we can trust
H -
where we can have and enjoy humor
O - and keep an open mind
N -where we make the newcomer #1
Submitted by Debbie K.
Thank You for the Gift of Sponsorship
You cared enough to show me strength.
When something goes wrong or I get hurt you’re always there.
A better trust and friend-there’s only one.
I’m here for you too, mostly through prayer.
Now how do I thank HP for this kind of support?
After pushing you away I can’t even call with my gratitude.
You’re someone admired and respected by many who share fellowship.
It must’ve taken seven years to become this strong with the help you’ve given.
For today, I’ve come to appreciate the gift of sponsorship.
It’s truly the work of HP that you’re so near.
When I let you down sometimes, keep in mind I’m human, I make big mistakes.
My gift to you, my friend, is to stay in program, get health, and follow your steps to carry the message to others.
Anonymous, Erie
Our Recovery Page Newsletter’s Winter Theme
Three-Fold Recovery–
Physical, Emotional, Spiritual
Pat G. had an excellent suggestion–that we have a theme for the next edition of this newsletter. Please submit ( by Dec. 31st) articles, writings, poems, etc. for our next newsletter that relate to "Three Fold Recovery–Physical, Emotional, Spiritual."
But feel free to submit any and all material that you like! Ways that you can send your material are:
Mail: Vi Adkins
E-mail: vadkins@erie.net
World Wide Web: Click here to visit our web site. Click on one of the e-mail links and enter your article there. You can also attach a computer file to an e-mail message.
Give your material to a member of Intergroup who will pass it on to me.
As your newsletter editor, I must take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE who submitted material for this newsletter. I am so encouraged and inspired at the giving spirit expressed by our fellowship!
Vi A.
Strengthen Your Recovery By Doing Service
Help Wanted and Needed at Intergroup
We are without a full staff of Intergroup Officers, and many OA meetings do not have a representative attending Intergroup meetings. We are searching for a Chair and a Vice-Chair. Anyone is welcome to attend any Intergroup Meeting. We need your ideas, energy, and inspiration!
We meet at 6:30 PM on the second Sunday of each month (except December) at St. Vincent Health Center, the First Floor Conference Room (go through the cafeteria), 232 West 25th Street in Erie.
Wednesday OA Noon Meeting
The Wednesday OA noon meeting at Elmwood Church at 29th and Elmwood Avenue has modified the meeting format. The first two meetings of each month will be a Big Book study, and the last two meetings of each month will be an OA 12 Steps and 12 Traditions study.
New Shippenville, PA Meeting
This group meets on Tuesdays at 7:00 PM at:
First Methodist Church
Rt. 322
Shippenville, PA
Contact Judy W, Star Route–Box 7, Marble, PA 16334 for more information.
Meadville, PA Has a Friendly Meeting
The OA group that meets on Thursday from 7:15 PM to 8:30 PM at Trinity Lutheran Church on Park Avenue in Meadville has a reputation for being friendly to newcomers. Although we take our program seriously, we laugh a lot at meetings. A warm and caring spirituality is felt by all.
Franklin, PA OA Meeting
The OA group that meets at the Presbyterian Church on Rocky Grove Avenue in Franklin on Saturdays from 9:30 AM to 10:45 AM is a very caring, friendly group. This group is made up of travelers who drive every Saturday from all directions, a 1/2 hour to an hour away. It’s interesting to find out what’s going on in other parts of the state. Many times we go out for lunch before traveling back home again.
Thursday Erie OA Meeting Needs Support
After a summer break, this meeting is back in action and needs support! Come and hear how others have recovered and learn about the 12-step OA program from the Big Book. That’s on Thursdays from 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM at Our Savior Lutheran Church at 5312 Peach Street (across from Champion Ford) in Erie.
To "let go" does not mean stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires but to make each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and love more.
Author Unknown
Q. What exactly is "cross talk"? Are all comments and responses to another person at a meeting cross talk? Is thanking someone for something they shared considered cross talk? Or is it only something negative?
A. There is no specific definition of cross talk in OA literature. The Group Handbook suggests that in discussion meetings, groups should "give everybody a chance to participate, but discourage cross talk," The Suggested Meeting Format comes closer to a definition: "We share our experience, strength, and hope in OA: feedback, cross talk, and advice-giving are discouraged here."
It seems from this that anything other than focusing on our own experience during your pitch could fall into the category of cross talk. That may include comments on what someone had just shared, no matter if you are giving support or offering an opinion. In OA we should feel free to express what’s difficult to express elsewhere, unfettered from others’ judgment.
Yet telling how you faced a comparable situation or felt similarly is common at meetings and can be, depending on you intention and tone, the best way to share your experience, strength, and hope.
Clearly this is a gray area. Part of what we come to OA meetings for is to hear others’ recovery, see how they dealt with problems and feelings similar to ours, and to know we’re not alone. But responding to what others say is not sharing your experience: it’s your view of others in the room.
The dictionary defines cross talk as "unwanted signals." Since you never know if another member will want your comments or not, or how they will be taken, it’s best to steer clear of making them during a meeting.
Sometimes it’s hard not to respond verbally immediately, particularly when someone has shared something deep and painful, or where there are tears. A loving hug or a pat on the shoulder may be the best response. After the meeting has ended, talking with the person is the best expression of understanding and support.
Interrupting another member is also considered cross talk. Beyond the obvious need to respect each speaker, interruptions can be disruptive, cut short a member needing to speak, and result in someone not being heard. To prevent this, many groups ask members to raise their hands and be called upon by that day’s leader for sharing. They also ask others not to share until it is their turn.
Tradition four safeguards every OA group’s autonomy–problems are decided by group conscience. If the cross-talk question troubles your group, request a steering committee meeting where the issue can be thoroughly discussed. Be sure each member’s personal definition of cross talk is heard. Ultimately, the group consensus on what will be considered cross talk in that meeting should apply.
Lifeline/October 1992
My life is hectic, but recovery is my first priority. I am always looking for quick and useful ways to incorporate the Steps into my daily life. Since I could not find a Tenth-Step inventory that worked for me, I created one. It is based on the vowels we all learned in elementary school–a, e, i, o, u and sometimes y. As I run through the vowels, I assess how I am doing in five different areas by asking myself simple questions. This is how it works for me:
A: Abstinence
Did I follow my food plan? Did I ask for God’s help? Have I thanked God for the gift of abstinence today?
E. Exercise
What form of exercise did I do today? Or was I physically active in some way to use the energy of the day?
I: Self-Care
How well did I care for myself today? Did I use positive self talk? Did I set the boundaries that I needed? Did I eat with dignity?
O: Others
How did I treat the people around me?
U: Uncover Feelings
Did I deal with my feelings appropriately today instead of eating to hide them?
Y: "Yahoo!" Celebrate
What did I do right today? What can I be grateful for?
The questions that I use change as my recovery changes or as the day dictates, but I always use the same "topics." I can run through these six topics in just a few minutes whenever I need them–while planning the day, during the day when I need reflection and guidance, or during a quiet moment in the evening. This keeps me on my path of recovery. I challenge you to create your own inventory, using whatever simple ideas work for you.
J.B., Mahtomedi, Minnesota, Lifeline, October 1997
Exciting New Information on the Erie OA Web Site!
We have had 577 visitors to the Erie OA web site as of October 1997! Many individuals from different areas of the U.S. have sent e-mail messages to several folks in our fellowships asking questions about OA in general, what the OA program is, how they can find a meeting in their area, etc.
Here are the features that have been added to this internet Erie OA information center:
I received this e-mail message from WSO, in reply to my e-mail message, which is most encouraging:
Dear Vivian:
We were very excited to read in your message that you had created a web site for your Intergroup. Congratulations! I hope that the Web Site Guidelines were helpful to you in your adventure.
We are still in the process of developing the list of OA service bodies' URLs. As soon as we have the list completed, we'll mail it to you. We're adding your intergroup to that list, so that others will be able to find your site…
Sincerely,
Margey Karns
Associate Director, OA WSO
Click here to visit our web site!
Send me an e-mail message if you would like to be added to the Erie OA e-mailing list. This list will be used to send OA event reminders. If you have any suggestions for enhancements and/or changes to our web site, please send me a message! My e-mail address is: vadkins@erie.net. And any simple maps to OA meeting locations that I receive will be added to the web site.
Vi A., Webmistress
OA World Service: P. O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020; (505) 891-2664; e-mail: overeatr@technet.nm.com; fax: (505) 891-4320
OA World Service Trustee: Carol Parent, 46 Bridal Court, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003-5154; (609) 354-5031
OA Region 7 Inc.: 15 East North Street, Dover, DE 19903-0899; (609) 983-6841
OA Literature Catalog: P. O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174
AA Literature Catalog: AA World Services, Inc., P. O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163; (212) 870-3400
Newsletter Editor: Vi A., e-mail: vadkins@erie.net
Newsletter Subscription Information:
Send $1.50 for a one year subscription to the Recovery Page to: P. O. Box 28, Erie, PA 16512
The opinions expressed herein are not to be attributed to the Greater Erie Intergroup or to OA as a whole, nor does publication of any article imply endorsement. The editor welcomes contributions and reserves the right to edit all articles with the intent of preserving the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions.